(Image via MoreMonmouthMusings.net)
Originally published in the TriCityNews the week of August 13th, 2012
If you see something unusual in the skies above Monmouth County on August 14th, don’t worry it’s just failed Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell flying by. In one of the strangest events of the year, the witchcraft-dabbler (retired) is here to give her dubious support to Congressional candidate Anna Little. For just $250 for the “Patriot Ticket” or $2,500 to “Co-Host,” you can witness the magic first-hand.
So far, there has been no indication that Little’s camp has an earthly clue what they are doing. From failing to register with the FEC on time, to keeping www.AnnaLittleForSenate.com up and running long after she decided to run for the House instead, to still advertising that Little’s opponent, Congressman Frank Pallone, has been in office for 22 years when it’s really 24 years, they don’t even appear to know when they’ve made a mistake. Now they don’t know they’ve made a new one.
O’Donnell is a recidivist failure. In the span of five years, she attempted to gain office three times. First in 2006, where she ran in the Republican primary for Senate and finished third, and then ran in the general election as a write-in, seizing a whole 4 percent of the vote. Then in 2008, where as the Republican nominee, she lost by a 65% to 35% margin to incumbent and BFD Joe Biden. Then in 2010, where she again ran for Senate as the Republican nominee, this time losing to Democrat Chris Coons by a margin of 57% to 40%.
O’Donnell also succeeded in becoming a national punchline. Thanks to footage supplied by Bill Maher, we learned that she “dabbled in witchcraft,” even dating believers, “one of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar,” but she “never joined a coven”… Right, because that would’ve been crazy.
Christine attempted to calm the storm by releasing a campaign ad wherein she declared “I’m not a witch; I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you.” Apparently “you” consists of 40% of the voters in Delaware.
And lest we forget, Ms. O’Donnell is also an advocate of abstinence who is vehemently anti-masturbation. Because if there’s one thing that’s sure to make kids keep their hands to themselves, it’s forbidding them to put their hands on themselves.
All of this considered, Anna Little has sought to attach herself to Christine O’Donnell. Of course she has.
Little’s campaign is so haphazardly run that one can only come to two conclusions: Ms. Little just doesn’t give a damn, or Ms. Little’s intentions are not what she claims.
Now more than ever, the Republican party is about forging celebrity. The fact that Donald Trump was taken seriously as a presidential candidate does not alone confirm this, but Mitt Romney standing with him to publicly accept his endorsement in Las Vegas sure as hell does.
So when Anna Little says she’s a “Chris Christie Conservative” we can only assume that she means she’s more interested in her own brand than she is with the well-being of her party or the people she hopes to govern.
Governor Christie has advertised himself as New Jersey’s leading man, strutting in to save the day with his “Jersey Comeback.” This narrative is, duh, completely devoid of facts.
In the Garden State, taxes are up and everything else is down. Our unemployment is now 9.6%, 1.4% above the national average. We place 47th out of 50th in job growth. Our business climate ranks 41st in the nation. 55% of our highways are in poor or mediocre condition and 35% of our bridges are structurally deficient or functionally obsolete. With Governor Christie leading the way, New Jersey is falling apart in every way imaginable.
But Christie is a star! Just look at all those hits he has on Youtube that he talks about all the time! He’s on TMZ and everything! Reality doesn’t matter. His approval rating is still 55%.
Just as Christie’s been a bogus Governor, Little was an increasingly bogus mayor. Under her watch, taxes in Highlands went up through increased fees and fines. This is likely because Little was “constantly focused on how people should treat her and spent the majority of the time scolding people, rather than working with them,” says a GOP source. Not to mention, when Mayor Little first ran against Rep. Pallone in 2010, she “just stopped showing up to meetings.”
Really though, who needs small town meetings when you have “Anna’s Army”? “Anna’s Army” is Ms. Little’s group of supporters - her “Little Monsters,” if you will. Comprised of Tea Partiers and, I’m guessing, a few fillers from Central Casting.
The party that loathes “Hollywood liberals” - yet has the distinction of being the only party to elect a movie star as president - measures success not by electoral performance, but by public face time.
That’s why, four years after she cost John McCain the presidency, Sarah Palin is still trotted out by the GOP to campaign for candidates around the country. What matters is Palin’s still a star, even if the light she emits waxes and wanes.
Anna Little is sticking to Christine O’Donnell for the same reason she stuck to Sharron “Doesn’t-Know-The-Difference-Between-Hispanic-And-Asian” Angle. O’Donnell, just like Palin and Christie and Trump (oh my!), is not just about the proverbial sizzle instead of the stake; she and they deliberately throw out the stake because it detracts from the sizzle: they’re all characters on SNL. Each one of them has a book deal. Trump even has his own line of ties and Palin is the subject of an entire sub genre of porn.
The possibility that people will begin to question whether or not Little is a witch isn’t enough to stop Little from wanting to become Mini-O’Donnell. And if the “Anna Little is against masturbation” claims gain any traction, the next thing you’ll hear from her Congressional race is “I’m Frank Pallone and I approve this massage.”
By Olivia Nuzzi