Vote for me for… Whatever. Anna Little has finally officially registered to run for the House of Representatives. You can find this out by visiting her websites AnnaLittleForCongress.com and AnnaLittleForSenate.com. Senate?

From this, one might get the idea that her oft repeated idea of “Constitutionally Limited Government” is to merge the two Chambers of Congress. If not, it seems to indicate a sort of inexactitude that Republicans are mastering in 2012. 

Last November, GOP Presidential candidate and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced that as president, she would close the US Embassy in Iran… ya know, the one that hasn’t existed since 1980. 

Noted maple syrup enthusiast and Texas Governor Rick Perry declared that he wanted to get rid of three federal agencies but could only remember two of them.

In January, previous Republican presidential candidate John McCain mistakenly endorsed President Obama’s ability to turn America’s economy around - while standing next to Mitt Romney.

As to Romney himself, his campaign had a spasm of misspellings, including one which suggested that he wanted to be president of someplace called “Amercia.” 

Fittingly for a candidate who is running for the House and Senate at the same time, Ms. Little’s campaign statement includes two mutually exclusive positions on the Constitution. In one breath, “Anna supports and would vote for the Enumerated Powers Act, a proposed law that would require all bills introduced in the US Congress to include a statement setting forth the specific Constitutional authority under which the law is being enacted,” and in the next breath she quotes James Madison as saying “do not separate text from historical background,” by which he means you can’t just quote the Constitution literally, you must view it in context. So Ms. Little is a strict Constitutional literalist… Except when she thinks you shouldn’t take the Constitution literally. 

Even better, when the official interpreters of the Constitution - the Supreme Court - ruled on the validity of the Affordable Care Act, Ms. Little turned to a new, final authority. “Poll after poll shows that the American people do not want the federal government to be running our healthcare.” If Ms. Little is really suggesting we should allow pollsters to decide Constitutional issues, President Madison may swoop down from the heavens to repudiate his title as “Father of the Constitution.” 

Little’s campaign statement also includes the proclamation that she will do for the country what Governor Chris Christie has done for New Jersey. What exactly does that mean? The United States will be ranked 47th in the world in job growth just like New Jersey ranks 47th in job growth in the country? Is she going to start yelling at reporters from other nations? Is she going to become a TMZ star by brandishing ice cream cones at passersby on some boardwalk near the Potomac? 

Ms. Little’s adherence to Governor Christie invalidates her claim of “fiscal conservatism.” According to the National Governors Association and National Association of State Budget Officers, Christie’s budget included a 6.8 percent increase in spending from the previous year. That is among the biggest spending increases of any state in the country. And let’s not forget… New Jersey isn’t just any state, New Jersey is a state whose unemployment is above the national average and foreclosures are increasing while tax revenues are going down. Calling yourself “a Chris Christie Republican” and a “fiscal conservative” is like saying you’re a Springsteen fan and a fan of Hank Williams III’s cover of “Atlantic City” - you know, the song that includes the suddenly relevant lyric “down on the boardwalk they’re getting ready for a fight.” 

Among Ms. Little’s supporters is Assemblywoman Mary Pat Angelini who believes that she will help to “bring back affordability to New Jersey for our working families,” because if anybody knows about helping working families it would be a lawyer and a career politician like Ms. Little who is also pretending to not be a career politician. 

On her website as of this writing, Little continues to emphasize that her opponent, Congressman Frank Pallone, is a 22 year veteran of the House. It’s bad enough that on the internet she’s still confused as to what office she’s running for, but she also can’t count. Pallone has been a Congressman since 1988. That’s 24 years, even if you’re in the Tea Party. More importantly, the constant refrain implies Little thinks she is a political outsider. That’s Ms. Little - former Freeholder Little, former Mayor Little, former Councilwoman Little and former maybe-Senate candidate Little. 

None of this adds up - literally - and calls into question the legitimacy of her run for the House. Or is it the Senate? Whatever.

By Olivia Nuzzi

Originally published in this week’s TriCityNews! If you live in Monmouth or Ocean County, NJ…pick up a copy!

Our Great American Insanity has blessed us with things to talk about before. This latest episode, however, has implications so gross that it’s difficult to find the words to address it.

With the popularity of Death Cheers these past two weeks, it has become clear that the Republican party is exactly what “radical liberals” have long suspected them to be. A mob of faux patriots, they do not have the slightest idea of what it means to be an American, let alone what it means to be a Christian. 

American Freedom is not about roaming alone on the side of the road in the middle of the night, waiting to get mowed down by a freight truck, as Ron Paul would have you believe. American Freedom is about existing freely with the comfort of knowing that the truck will see your reflectors and move to the side. 

That is what health insurance is: A reflector in the dark. Lest these imbeciles forget… If an uninsured American ends up in the hospital, who do you think is footing the bill? People who, with their freedom, choose not to buy health insurance are a burden on the insured, who shell out, on average, $1,017 a year in premiums to cover them.

The state of mind that has you believe a fellow human being should die simply because they aren’t rich enough has no place in the United States of America. 

Republicans should be flattered when we call them mentally ill. The alternative is that they are evil, disgusting people who wouldn’t reach out a hand to stop you from falling if it would strain their wrist. 

By Olivia Nuzzi

Rick Perry is an intellectually unevolved bigot who should not be allowed within 100 feet of the White House. However, attacking his poor college grades is a Texas-sized mistake. 

Mr. Perry may not fall into the category, but the fact is that there exists a class of people who are immensely intelligent, yet fail to succeed in an academic environment. By mocking and reprimanding Bush 3.0’s lack of academic prowess, you are refuting that notion altogether. 

Unless you are willing to mock George Carlin, Gore Vidal and Lenny Bruce, you should probably put this topic to rest. There are roughly 90,000 other things you could throw rocks at Mr. Perry for, so take your pick.

Liberals should know better than to behave like Right Wing bullies… But hey, I guess they don’t teach everything in school. 

By Olivia Nuzzi