Don’t let Christie’s embrace of Obama fool you into thinking he’s a unifier. 

It was a startling image. Governor Chris Christie, the darling of the Republican party heralded by everyone from Ann Coulter to the Koch Brothers, entwined with President Obama. In a political climate so polarized that accusations of socialism and racism pepper even the most relaxed of criticisms, the gesture was both a comfort and an inspiration. 

Yet the forbidden, bipartisan embrace was much more than just the Brokeback Mountain moment of the 2012 presidential election. It was the greatest endorsement Obama could’ve hoped for in the last hour of a bitter campaign. It was an endorsement so moving and persuasive that many conservatives have deemed Christie a traitor and the picture of him, arms locked with their Public Enemy In Chief, responsible for Romney’s failure. 

With his pragmatic demeanor, Christie had seemingly constructed a bridge between reasonable Republicans who see demographics changing and feel the Romney lesson viscerally and the extremists who funded Santorum and Gingrich in a bid to protect themselves from the threat of Sharia Law. And with his pragmatic response to the damage Sandy caused to the Garden State, Christie tore that bridge down.

For his acknowledgement of Obama’s job-well-done, Bill O’Reilly blasted Christie for having “wiped the governor’s campaign off the map for five days.” The American Spectator placed him on the “list of fools who have brought this disaster upon us” and referred to him as a “gelatinous clown.” Brett Decker of the Washington Times called on the GOP to “excommunicate Christie.” Laura Ingraham stated that she “would not be surprised” if he became a Democrat. 

Christie is no stranger to divisiveness. 

While his violent budget cuts have garnered him praise as a no-nonsense fiscal conservative, they have divorced voter from voter and legislator from legislator. Christie has pitted people against each other while keeping the spotlight on himself.

In Chris Christie’s New Jersey, there is less to go around. This is because at $282 billion, the state’s debt is the fourth-highest in the nation and we suffered a 15% drop in state revenue from the prior fiscal year, which in NJ ends on June 30. And for Christie, ensuring that there is room for the abuse and misuse of taxpayer money takes precedence over caring for the people of the state. He has spent public funds carelessly: $260 million on a casino in Atlantic City which has reported $35 million in losses during its first three months of operation; $300,000 on radio advertisements in Illinois with the objective of luring businesses to the Garden State, and not a single business relocated. This is in addition to the grants and initiatives he has doled out to the private sector.

Fighting over what’s left are those in the middle class and ever-expanding lower class. It is a fight in which there can be no real winner. When signing his $31.7B budget this past June, the governor halted the Democrats’ efforts to restore funds to social services. Christie cut $7.5 million in women’s health funding and $21 million in medical services for the elderly. Also cut were higher education funding and aid for low-income students. 

Christie’s divisiveness acts as a distraction which prevents the thorough scrutiny of his record. With his state in crisis, we argue - and so, too, do many of his constituents - over things of little consequence: Is he a bully or is he a straight-talker? Is he refreshing or is he an embarrassment? He has made the central, if not the only, debate over Governor Chris Christie one about personality rather than policy. In a matter of speaking, he has even divided reality by separating his own reputation from his actual governing tactics and leadership failures in a way that has been uncommonly efficient. 

At his taxpayer funded town halls, Christie blasted the “Corzine Democrats” in Trenton for their “tax and spend” ways. Yet, It would be difficult to find anyone who knows more about taxing and spending than the governor. 

Since February, he has advocated for a 10 percent across the board income tax cut which would save the average middle class family $80.50 while saving millionaires $7,265.75. The tax cut would cost the state, which according to Christie cannot afford $5 million in aid to struggling cities, a staggering $1.1 billion. 

Christie’s 2012 budget, according to the National Governors Association and National Association of State Budget Officers, included a 6.8 percent increase in spending from the previous years - among the biggest spending increases of any state in the country. Governor Christie is a reckless spender, and his spending has resulted in inadvertent tax hikes which hit the middle class the hardest. 

Property taxes, which were already among the highest in the country, have spiked during Christie’s governorship. Fare hikes for public transportation have gone up by 25 percent. The governor refers to cost surges such as this as “user fees,” a tax by a different name.

Work is hard to find in New Jersey. In September, unemployment hit a 35 year high of 9.9% after steadily increasingly over the summer. The same summer Governor Christie spent campaigning on the notion that the Garden State was seeing a “Jersey Comeback” - though a better slogan might have been “You Gonna Believe Me Or Your Own Lying Eyes?” 

One out of every twelve mortgages in New Jersey is in the foreclosure stage, the second highest percentage of mortgage loans in foreclosure in the country. Over half of our highways are in poor or mediocre condition and over a quarter of our bridges are structurally deficient or functionally obsolete. 

Governor Christie is confident enough in his command of fiction to sell his balancing of New Jersey’s budget as some sort of legislative achievement, when as a matter of fact, the state constitution mandates that a balanced budget be passed each year. 

The governor has long advertised that his legislative accomplishments in Trenton are due to his ability to get bipartisan support. Indeed now, with a single embrace of President Obama, the portrait of Chris Christie as an independent leader able to work across party lines has been solidified for many. But his bipartisanship in Trenton comes down to somewhat murkier political bargaining, namely his ability to get Democratic bosses who control votes to yield to him. 

When Christie passed pension reform thorough the legislature last year, all of the Democratic votes - with the exception of Senator Brian Stack, who is also a Mayor and thus needs the governor’s support - came from legislators loyal to either George Norcross, South Jersey’s Democratic boss or Joe D, Essex County’s Democratic boss. 

Christie’s brand of transactional politics is bipartisan, and is in no way unique to New Jersey, but the fact remains that dealing, as Christie does, is a different art than leading.

It was a startling image. Governor Chris Christie, tired and worn from the chaos Sandy wrought, accepting the aid of President Obama. In a state that had suffered unseen damage before the storm hit, the gesture was a reminder of Christie’s refusal to unite neighbor with neighbor and rhetoric with reality. 

By Olivia Nuzzi

Originally published in the Tricity News the week of November 5th, 2012.

Superstorm Sandy has awakened many to the reality that the East Coast’s infrastructure is inadequate; Sandy even convinced some that climate change is all too real; and Sandy has made it clear that a one-man “news” operation is basically just gossip.

When it comes to rumors about things that don’t actually matter, Americans know to exercise caution. As one nation under god, we never trust Perez Hilton. We pledge to not buy into the Jennifer Aniston pregnancy rumors. And we brush off Twitter-reports about the deaths of Lindsay Lohan, Kanye West, The Pope, Justin Bieber and Morgan Freeman. We don’t believe everything we hear…except when its about topics foreign to us. 

This is likely due to the fact that social media only makes headlines in the actual media when it gets things very right or when it gets things very wrong. The “very right” stories tend to involve important reports about national and international events that have been broken and shared online. The “very wrong” ones often involve misinforming the public about something largely inconsequential and entertainment-related. 

There was loud applauding of Twitter during events like Occupy Wall Street and occurrences outside of the United States, particularly in countries without powerful media outlets of their own. 

During the Arab Spring, Twitter was a vital news source. Activist and record producer Barb Morrison told me that by following the protesters from Tahrir Square, Bahrain and Syria, she’s seen “YouTube videos uploaded directly from the front lines, and a lot of the time these videos are only up for minutes and then somehow, mysteriously, ‘this content has been deleted’ shows up [on the screen]’ - the point is I’m seeing what the people see, not what commercially funded news shows want me to see.” 

5,621 miles away in Cairo, Egypt, protests were streamed live by Al Jazeera. Watching the revolution in real-time humanized the demonstrators, making their fight fathomable for Americans who are accustomed to freedom. 

Though it was a huge failure and an embarrassment to the Left-Wing, Occupy Wall Street was a roaring success for the advancement of social media as a legitimate information source and organizing tool. Through searching the #OWS hashtag, you could learn where and when protests were taking place. And because of the ease with which video is shared, footage of police brutalizing protestors went viral, making OWS an international story.

Because of the mainstream media’s sluggishness during these events, social media has been heralded as the real purveyor of justice. Devoid of gatekeepers, it is an all-inclusive institution made up of the people and working for the people. 

However, social media’s all-inclusiveness can be a danger, particularly during a health emergency. 

Throughout Sandy and its aftermath, false reporting has cost time and resources. 

In Bayonne, city officials were forced to send out robo calls and texts to dispel rumors that the water was getting shut off and the sewer systems weren’t working - the rumor originated on Facebook. Outrage ensued throughout New Jersey when reports of out-of-state utility crews being turned away spread on Twitter. The reports turned out to be untrue. 

False reports regarding voting also spread rampantly throughout the Internet.

The poor man’s Tony Robbins, Newark Mayor Cory Booker, mislead his over 1 million followers by sharing bad information given to him by Lt. Governor Kim Guadagno’s office. Booker responded to the news that voting would be conducted via email and fax with the Tweet “no no it’s not true.”

Self-described “journalist” Michael Tracey, contributor to Vice and The Nation, shamefully made baseless claims about voting and polling in New Jersey. He Tweeted, “there’s no way voting will be able to happen Tuesday,” to his 3,600 followers. 

If that’s journalism, where is my Pulitzer? 

Although the efforts made to ensure New Jersey voters could cast their ballots on Election Day appeared to have paid off, to the credit of Governor Christie, it doesn’t change the fact that those efforts were undermined by people with the false impression that they had the authority to report without the facts to back those reports up.

The Internet has made us all equal by giving everyone the same platform, and in many ways that’s good. But having a blog and a Twitter account does not a reporter make. A charlatan who makes a declarative statement based on his opinion is not a “journalist.”

We need platforms that are less accessible and we need high standards for who can and cannot define what is “news.” We need the media. 

New York Post columnist and author of “The New Jersey Sting,” Joshua Margolin, told me “even the mainstream media makes big mistakes. There’s always a fog of war associated with information in big breaking stories. The only way to stop that is for vetting to happen, which happens with newspapers and big networks.”

Problems arise when the only media available is that of the social variety, as was true for many without power during Sandy. In that event, guesses are unintentionally presented as reports. And an increasingly-legitimate internet means people are not thinking critically enough to tell the difference or to question it sufficiently. 

The public has been conditioned to immediately accept serious information funneled through the Internet as fact while meeting the unserious stuff with skepticism.  

We need access to information quickly - but mostly we just need access. Social media provides balance to the mainstream media, but Sandy made it pretty clear that individuals are not yet educated or responsible enough to handle informing their fellow citizens of the facts without oversight. 

By Olivia Nuzzi 

(Image via MoreMonmouthMusings.net)

Originally published in the TriCityNews the week of August 13th, 2012

If you see something unusual in the skies above Monmouth County on August 14th, don’t worry it’s just failed Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell flying by. In one of the strangest events of the year, the witchcraft-dabbler (retired) is here to give her dubious support to Congressional candidate Anna Little. For just $250 for the “Patriot Ticket” or $2,500 to “Co-Host,” you can witness the magic first-hand. 

So far, there has been no indication that Little’s camp has an earthly clue what they are doing. From failing to register with the FEC on time, to keeping www.AnnaLittleForSenate.com up and running long after she decided to run for the House instead, to still advertising that Little’s opponent, Congressman Frank Pallone, has been in office for 22 years when it’s really 24 years, they don’t even appear to know when they’ve made a mistake. Now they don’t know they’ve made a new one. 

O’Donnell is a recidivist failure. In the span of five years, she attempted to gain office three times. First in 2006, where she ran in the Republican primary for Senate and finished third, and then ran in the general election as a write-in, seizing a whole 4 percent of the vote. Then in 2008, where as the Republican nominee, she lost by a 65% to 35% margin to incumbent and BFD Joe Biden. Then in 2010, where she again ran for Senate as the Republican nominee, this time losing to Democrat Chris Coons by a margin of 57% to 40%. 

O’Donnell also succeeded in becoming a national punchline. Thanks to footage supplied by Bill Maher, we learned that she “dabbled in witchcraft,” even dating believers, “one of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic altar,” but she “never joined a coven”… Right, because that would’ve been crazy. 

Christine attempted to calm the storm by releasing a campaign ad wherein she declared “I’m not a witch; I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you.” Apparently “you” consists of 40% of the voters in Delaware. 

And lest we forget, Ms. O’Donnell is also an advocate of abstinence who is vehemently anti-masturbation. Because if there’s one thing that’s sure to make kids keep their hands to themselves, it’s forbidding them to put their hands on themselves. 

All of this considered, Anna Little has sought to attach herself to Christine O’Donnell. Of course she has. 

Little’s campaign is so haphazardly run that one can only come to two conclusions: Ms. Little just doesn’t give a damn, or Ms. Little’s intentions are not what she claims.

Now more than ever, the Republican party is about forging celebrity. The fact that Donald Trump was taken seriously as a presidential candidate does not alone confirm this, but Mitt Romney standing with him to publicly accept his endorsement in Las Vegas sure as hell does. 

So when Anna Little says she’s a “Chris Christie Conservative” we can only assume that she means she’s more interested in her own brand than she is with the well-being of her party or the people she hopes to govern. 

Governor Christie has advertised himself as New Jersey’s leading man, strutting in to save the day with his “Jersey Comeback.” This narrative is, duh, completely devoid of facts. 

In the Garden State, taxes are up and everything else is down. Our unemployment is now 9.6%, 1.4% above the national average. We place 47th out of 50th in job growth. Our business climate ranks 41st in the nation. 55% of our highways are in poor or mediocre condition and 35% of our bridges are structurally deficient or functionally obsolete. With Governor Christie leading the way, New Jersey is falling apart in every way imaginable.

But Christie is a star! Just look at all those hits he has on Youtube that he talks about all the time! He’s on TMZ and everything! Reality doesn’t matter. His approval rating is still 55%. 

Just as Christie’s been a bogus Governor, Little was an increasingly bogus mayor. Under her watch, taxes in Highlands went up through increased fees and fines. This is likely because Little was  “constantly focused on how people should treat her and spent the majority of the time scolding people, rather than working with them,” says a GOP source. Not to mention, when Mayor Little first ran against Rep. Pallone in 2010, she “just stopped showing up to meetings.” 

Really though, who needs small town meetings when you have “Anna’s Army”? “Anna’s Army” is Ms. Little’s group of supporters - her “Little Monsters,” if you will. Comprised of Tea Partiers and, I’m guessing, a few fillers from Central Casting.

The party that loathes “Hollywood liberals” - yet has the distinction of being the only party to elect a movie star as president - measures success not by electoral performance, but by public face time. 

That’s why, four years after she cost John McCain the presidency, Sarah Palin is still trotted out by the GOP to campaign for candidates around the country. What matters is Palin’s still a star, even if the light she emits waxes and wanes. 

Anna Little is sticking to Christine O’Donnell for the same reason she stuck to Sharron “Doesn’t-Know-The-Difference-Between-Hispanic-And-Asian” Angle. O’Donnell, just like Palin and Christie and Trump (oh my!), is not just about the proverbial sizzle instead of the stake; she and they deliberately throw out the stake because it detracts from the sizzle: they’re all characters on SNL. Each one of them has a book deal. Trump even has his own line of ties and Palin is the subject of an entire sub genre of porn. 

The possibility that people will begin to question whether or not Little is a witch isn’t enough to stop Little from wanting to become Mini-O’Donnell. And if the “Anna Little is against masturbation” claims gain any traction, the next thing you’ll hear from her Congressional race is “I’m Frank Pallone and I approve this massage.” 

By Olivia Nuzzi

Yesterday, the Star-Ledger Editorial Page published a piece entitled “Christie’s Tax Cut Talk Falls Flat With NJ Voters” which defies all known definitions of “editorial” by neglecting to include a discernible opinion. The Star-Ledger underscored its remarkable dichotomy.

Without the Ledger’s reporting, following New Jersey politics would be near impossible. Jenna Portnoy’s stick-to-his-heels-like-gum coverage of Governor Christie is alone worth the cost of the paper.

However, the Star-Ledger’s unsigned political editorials are so poorly written that it is impossible to not wonder if they are a deliberate effort to sabotage the publication. An overlooked reason for why print is dying is that people no longer appear to know how to construct a coherent string of sentences. 

Mr. The Star-Ledger begins ”Christie’s Tax Cut Talk Falls Flat With NJ Voters” by pointing out that people overwhelming approve of Governor Christie even though they think he’s mean:

“So what if he lost his cool on the boardwalk? New Jersey is still smitten with Gov. Chris Christie, giving him a 54 percent approval rating despite saying the best two words to describe him are ‘bully’ and ‘arrogant.’ Go figure.”

Indeed, the public’s ability to overlook their unfavorable views of Christie’s personality is a testament to his power as a politician, albeit a perplexing one. However, on an informational or news level, this opinion is about as fresh a take as would be an editorial tomorrow about Christie being inaugurated, wherein the author notes that the Governor likes to yell at people. 

Mr. The Star-Ledger moves on:

“But voters are not buying his line on tax cuts, despite the ‘endless summer’ of town hall meetings that are turning out to be endless blather about New Jersey’s fictitious  ’comeback.’”

True, in a recent poll, 49 percent of voters say that they think we should wait for revenues to improve before we enact tax cuts. So technically the author is right that voters are not siding with Christie on this issue (at least according to the one poll.) However, as the author stated so ineloquently in his opening paragraph, the public overwhelmingly approves of Governor Christie, meaning they have wholly bought into his delusional “Jersey Comeback” narrative. The only points of the “Jersey Comeback” tent show are to hide the fact that New Jersey is in a state of near-economic ruin, and to sell the tax cuts as anything but what they are - bribes from a Governor desperate for national recognition. 

Mr. The Star-Ledger continues: 

“New Jersey can’t afford a tax cut now, and it’s not even close. One reason is that the state budget is rigged to explode over the next few years because both parties conspired to put off paying for pension and transportation costs that can’t be avoided. Another reason is that the state’s economy is still spinning its wheels in the mud, unable to get traction, even as some neighboring states start to move.

Democrats want to wait six months and see if the economy picks up before locking in the tax cut. The governor wants to make the leap today, in time for the Republican National Convention.”

BREAKING NEWS: Christie does not actually care about the state of the state. In fact, if he was presented with the opportunity to become president tomorrow under the condition that he dig New Jersey out of the Earth and shoot it into space, he would find a way to make it legal and figure out the logistics (and blame the Democrats.) Everybody knows this. Yawn. 

Mr. The Star-Ledger closes:

“Either way, the cuts won’t take effect until next year. So when the governor pretends he’ll give you tax cuts sooner than Democrats will, that is just more politics. The good news is that most people in New Jersey realize that.”

No. No they do not realize that. I believe the opening paragraph of this editorial made this non-realization totally clear. One poll shows that only 43 percent of voters agree with Christie that we need tax cuts immediately while 49 percent think we should wait… So what? Over half of New Jersey residents also believe that the state is going in the right direction. Most people in New Jersey realize nothing, something they have in common with the anonymous editorial writer in question. 

Just to recap: according to Mr. The Star-Ledger, New Jersey is “still smitten” with Governor Christie because his favorability is at 54 percent. Also according to Mr. The Star-Ledger, New Jersey realizes that Governor Christie is just playing politics. 

What was the point of this editorial? The thing is hardly four paragraphs long. How the hell is it possible to lose your train of thought within the span of four paragraphs? Did the writer have a stroke somewhere between paragraph one and paragraph three? 

To regurgitate facts and figures with no added insight requires no skill. To regurgitate facts and figures while misinterpreting their implications suggests that the guy who wrote the last paragraph was not the same guy who wrote the first paragraph. It is a shame that the prime Jersey-centric internet real estate that is the Star-Ledger Editorial page has been wasted on some hack who has nothing interesting or useful to say. 

By Olivia Nuzzi

Originally published in the TriCityNews, if you live in Monmouth or Ocean County, NJ - pick up a copy! (also published on SayWhatNJ.com)

Senator David Vitter - client of the “D.C. Madam” - would never walk alongside Elliot Spitzer for fear that the conclusion would be drawn that Vitter committed the exact same crime as Spitzer, the only difference being that Vitter never faced any consequences for his behavior. Just like OJ Simpson would never host a Christmas party with Scott Peterson and Britney Spears would never perform a duet with Milli Vanilli.  

Yet last Tuesday, Governor Chris Christie took another trip out of state, this time to headline two fundraisers with Governor Scott Walker in Wisconsin. It seems in joining forces with the much-loathed Wisconsin Governor, Christie is daring us to state the obvious: Walker is just Christie with a nail in his coffin.  

It’s impossible to look at the headlines bearing both of their names and not consider just how similar the New Jersey and Wisconsin governors are.  

In March of 2011, Governor Walker approved a bill which castrated collective bargaining rights. Specifically, it took away nearly all collective bargaining rights from the state’s employees. Additionally, the measure forced state workers to pay more for their pensions and health care benefits.  

In June of 2011, Governor Christie approved a bill which reformed collective bargaining rights. The rollback of benefits for 750,000 government workers and retirees increased what state and local workers must pay for their health insurance and pensions, suspended cost-of-living increases to retirees’ pension checks and raised retirement ages.  

In Wisconsin, Walker’s action was met with protests by tens of thousands which lasted for months and drew support from all over the country. The people of Wisconsin’s buyers remorse for Governor Walker means he now faces a recall election on June 5th, which, if successful, will make him only the third Governor to be recalled in US history.  

In New Jersey, Governor Christie’s action was initially met with protests by thousands down State Street. Nearly a year later, much is forgotten. Christie’s popularity is at an all-time high, with his approval rating standing at an inexplicable 59%.  

With the majority of his constituents seemingly suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, I suppose Christie sees no reason to fear any sort of uprising. Standing shoulder to shoulder with Walker was a way for him to dance close to the flame and tout his power.   

Governor Christie clearly deems it necessary to distinguish himself from the rest of America’s Right-Wing “leaders” for the GOP establishment who will ultimately decide his fate. He’s proved to the King Makers that his charisma and perceived reasonability allow him to get away with what others face losing their elected positions over. Christie doesn’t merely get away with it, he triumphs.   

Helpful as it is to Christie’s own political career, making distinctions between him and the rest of the GOP is more important for those of us who value the middle and working class people of New Jersey. Christie’s especially dangerous because he doesn’t wear his radicalism on his sleeve.  

Unlike many of his Republican contemporaries, Governor Christie does not lack intelligence or perceptiveness. When he states the patently untrue, it’s because he has full faith in the unwillingness of the American people to do the minimal intellectual work necessary in order to arrive at the truth. They will sooner latch on to any uncomplicated narrative offered to them, however fantastical it may be.  

According to Christie, we are now witnessing a “Jersey Comeback”… Where? Did you see it? Did I miss it? Rats, I must have walked right past it. The last time I checked, New Jersey was ranked 45th in job growth with unemployment still at .6% above the National average.  

After proposing that $29.4B, Scott-Walker-influenced-budget of his last year, Christie gave us his uncomplicated narrative: “we’re not trying to break the unions. The unions are trying to break the middle class in New Jersey.”   

Of course, the truth is that unions built this state’s middle class. The other truth is that a weak middle class is not only desirable for the GOP and those at the top of the economic ladder, but necessary for them to make their political ideals political reality. And people with enough money to facilitate that, like the Koch Brothers, are making good use out of Governor Christie and Governor Walker.  

Christie’s not a principled, disciplined individual. He’s a disciplined conservative who knows how to fall in line. Put another way, our governor is an opportunist with no philosophy of his own. He’s a mere vessel for those with clearly defined philosophies like his millionaire donors the Koch Brothers, and as the rollback on New Jersey’s environmental protections with Christie’s DEP Waiver Rule indicates, he’s a damn good vessel at that.   

Of Governor Walker, New Jersey Newsroom’s Salvatore Pizzuro wrote “he was sacrificing the people in an effort to protect the State. However, he failed to recognize that the people are the State.” Unfortunately for Walker, he doesn’t possess any of that Christie-mojo which prevents him from looking like the common, self-interested politician that he is.   

The people of New Jersey would be wise to recognize that the State is just Governor Christie’s resume for his National ambitions, and to him, the people are of little consequence. 

Originally published in this week’s TriCity News. If you live in Monmouth or Ocean County, NJ - pick up a copy!

“Numbnuts” - that’s the phrase Chris Christie chose to attack Assemblyman Reed Gusciora with after he criticized the Governor for his indefensible assertion that activists in the 1950s and 60s “would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets of the South.”

The sensible among us have always known that Governor Christie is just Archie Bunker with line-item veto power. So that statement - which he apologized for after a backlash which included legendary civil rights leader Rep. John Lewis (D-GA) coming to New Jersey to note that Christie “has not read his recent history books” - came as little surprise.

Hanging out with Oprah generally means that you’re looking to make some moves towards personal growth, but Christie would never allow something as silly as that to deny him the attention he receives for being a slow-witted, slow-moving playground bully. Our fearless leader’s employment of “numbnuts,” sadly, shocked no one.

Still, It is difficult to decide what’s more disheartening, that Christie thinks “numbnuts” is a comically sophisticated dig, or that someone who uses the phrase “numbuts” is Governor of New Jersey.

Sure, to the rest of the country, he’s the “funny,” straight-talking “tough guy.” But this is New Jersey! Is it too much to expect all natives to be able to construct a respectable insult? We’ve put in charge a talentless character actor who’s failing miserably to inhabit the role of a wise-guy in a PG-13, straight-to-DVD mob flick. Have we no taste?

Alas, this isn’t really about us. Though it may appear so, Christie didn’t break the cardinal rule of communication - know your audience - because he’s not really performing for the citizens of the Garden State. The rest of the country is who Governor Christie is trying to charm, and let’s face it: the rest of the country is easy. 

East Coast humor is of a higher standard than that of the slobbering masses of Middle right-wing America. And considering Christie has been spending increasingly more time out of state, trying to raise his National profile, it makes sense that the level of sophistication in his humor has reached a staggering new low. 

You can catch him in Iowa or New Hampshire, dazzling folks with his ability to fully embody every stereotype he condemned while attempting to endear himself to East-Coasters. The Governor hates the sort of image the cast of the Jersey Shore perpetuates…unless he’s the one reaping the rewards. Catch him headlining in Louisiana or Utah, threatening to return “Jersey-style” if voters don’t “do the right thing” and while you’re there, try the veal. 

Call the Governor the political equivalent to his fellow Livingston original Chelsea Handler, someone who’s found approval in audiences who think the holy grail of funny is anything crass which involves reproductive organs, alcohol or flatulence. Both Ms. Handler and Mr. Christie have been catapulted to mainstream stardom by virtue of the fact that their “humor,” as it is, is as easily digestible as a slice of processed, plastic-wrapped American cheese. Neither Christie or Handler could so much as shine Congressman Barney Frank’s shoes. 

Or call him a land-bound Tinkerbell, a man so desperate for applause that instead of taking the time to improve his schtick for the tough crowd he governs, he’d rather make a beeline for Fly-over Country where the laughs are easily won. Christie needs to garner enough praise to keep that ego-fueled engine of his propelling him towards Washington.

Though, you can’t really blame the guy for parading his side show act around the country, considering the shit continues to hit the fan here at home. It’s tough to be funny when the state you’re in charge of lags the nation 45th in job growth, placing its unemployment rate at .6% above the national average. 

But at the end of the day, being Governor means you’ve got to interrupt your publicity tours to face your constituents every now and then, so Christie has decided to take a page from the Karl Rove playbook. As the late, great Molly Ivins said of Rove’s strategy for Dubya when he was Governor of Texas “if you say something often enough, the reality makes no difference.” 

“Jersey Comeback” - it’s a narrative that’s likely to ring true for the rest of the country, just like the narrative of Chris Christie did. He’s Jersey’s hilarious ambassador who’s not afraid to tell it like it is…unless he’s talking about his own record. A fact which is likely beyond the comprehension of the pundits who wailed “he balanced the budget!” during the media frenzy over whether or not he’d jump into the presidential race, or the easily-amused simpletons at a Romney rally.

Right-wing America has knit itself into a blanket of support for Governor Christie, and it’s not hard to understand why he doesn’t want to take it off. After all, it’s comfortable to be king - to have followers so loyal that a jibe like “numbnuts” reads as comedy of biblical proportions. It’s only here in New Jersey that it’s clear: the joke is Chris Christie.

By Olivia Nuzzi

Originally published in this week’s TriCityNews! If you live in Monmouth or Ocean County, NJ…pick up a copy!