Originally published in this week’s TriCity News. If you live in Monmouth or Ocean County, NJ - pick up a copy!

“Numbnuts” - that’s the phrase Chris Christie chose to attack Assemblyman Reed Gusciora with after he criticized the Governor for his indefensible assertion that activists in the 1950s and 60s “would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets of the South.”

The sensible among us have always known that Governor Christie is just Archie Bunker with line-item veto power. So that statement - which he apologized for after a backlash which included legendary civil rights leader Rep. John Lewis (D-GA) coming to New Jersey to note that Christie “has not read his recent history books” - came as little surprise.

Hanging out with Oprah generally means that you’re looking to make some moves towards personal growth, but Christie would never allow something as silly as that to deny him the attention he receives for being a slow-witted, slow-moving playground bully. Our fearless leader’s employment of “numbnuts,” sadly, shocked no one.

Still, It is difficult to decide what’s more disheartening, that Christie thinks “numbnuts” is a comically sophisticated dig, or that someone who uses the phrase “numbuts” is Governor of New Jersey.

Sure, to the rest of the country, he’s the “funny,” straight-talking “tough guy.” But this is New Jersey! Is it too much to expect all natives to be able to construct a respectable insult? We’ve put in charge a talentless character actor who’s failing miserably to inhabit the role of a wise-guy in a PG-13, straight-to-DVD mob flick. Have we no taste?

Alas, this isn’t really about us. Though it may appear so, Christie didn’t break the cardinal rule of communication - know your audience - because he’s not really performing for the citizens of the Garden State. The rest of the country is who Governor Christie is trying to charm, and let’s face it: the rest of the country is easy. 

East Coast humor is of a higher standard than that of the slobbering masses of Middle right-wing America. And considering Christie has been spending increasingly more time out of state, trying to raise his National profile, it makes sense that the level of sophistication in his humor has reached a staggering new low. 

You can catch him in Iowa or New Hampshire, dazzling folks with his ability to fully embody every stereotype he condemned while attempting to endear himself to East-Coasters. The Governor hates the sort of image the cast of the Jersey Shore perpetuates…unless he’s the one reaping the rewards. Catch him headlining in Louisiana or Utah, threatening to return “Jersey-style” if voters don’t “do the right thing” and while you’re there, try the veal. 

Call the Governor the political equivalent to his fellow Livingston original Chelsea Handler, someone who’s found approval in audiences who think the holy grail of funny is anything crass which involves reproductive organs, alcohol or flatulence. Both Ms. Handler and Mr. Christie have been catapulted to mainstream stardom by virtue of the fact that their “humor,” as it is, is as easily digestible as a slice of processed, plastic-wrapped American cheese. Neither Christie or Handler could so much as shine Congressman Barney Frank’s shoes. 

Or call him a land-bound Tinkerbell, a man so desperate for applause that instead of taking the time to improve his schtick for the tough crowd he governs, he’d rather make a beeline for Fly-over Country where the laughs are easily won. Christie needs to garner enough praise to keep that ego-fueled engine of his propelling him towards Washington.

Though, you can’t really blame the guy for parading his side show act around the country, considering the shit continues to hit the fan here at home. It’s tough to be funny when the state you’re in charge of lags the nation 45th in job growth, placing its unemployment rate at .6% above the national average. 

But at the end of the day, being Governor means you’ve got to interrupt your publicity tours to face your constituents every now and then, so Christie has decided to take a page from the Karl Rove playbook. As the late, great Molly Ivins said of Rove’s strategy for Dubya when he was Governor of Texas “if you say something often enough, the reality makes no difference.” 

“Jersey Comeback” - it’s a narrative that’s likely to ring true for the rest of the country, just like the narrative of Chris Christie did. He’s Jersey’s hilarious ambassador who’s not afraid to tell it like it is…unless he’s talking about his own record. A fact which is likely beyond the comprehension of the pundits who wailed “he balanced the budget!” during the media frenzy over whether or not he’d jump into the presidential race, or the easily-amused simpletons at a Romney rally.

Right-wing America has knit itself into a blanket of support for Governor Christie, and it’s not hard to understand why he doesn’t want to take it off. After all, it’s comfortable to be king - to have followers so loyal that a jibe like “numbnuts” reads as comedy of biblical proportions. It’s only here in New Jersey that it’s clear: the joke is Chris Christie.

By Olivia Nuzzi

In this Monday’s New York Times, there was a remarkable piece on the fifteen year anniversary of Fox News by Brian Stelter. The article starred Mr. America himself, Sean Hannity. Stelter managed to objectively slice into the body of the cable station with precision, opening up it’s chest to present the cold blooded mechanics.

One has to marvel at the beast. Roger Ailes has succeeded in creating a propaganda machine so sleek, so efficient, that it has taken the masses nearly two decades to realize their country has been thoroughly intellectually corrupted. 

Centuries from now, we will be identified as the society brought down by misinformation delivered by an army of hot chicks. The comedy of it howls loudly, though not loudly enough to distract from the cost. The cost of this intended-confusion has been American Lives and American Life. We can only hope to restore the latter.

Stelter notes “Mr. Ailes and Mr. Hannity share many of the same conservative core values, like a belief in American exceptionalism and an aggressive counterterrorism stance. Both have written off Mr. Obama as a socialist.” 

Indeed, Mr. Hannity glows with a sort of “Leave it to Beaver” purity. American politics for him is a game of Cops and Robbers, where rule of law need not apply when it comes to the “bad guys” and questions of morality are for those other people. I think of a statement made by Camille Paglia in 2003 at Salon:

“it’s distressing to me as a teacher to listen to Hannity. Even though he went to college, his world is amazingly simple — as if he learned the absolute truths of the universe from Catholic catechism. He seems to be blissfully unaware of his automatic and sometimes servile deference to male authority. Of course he’s emotionally pro-Bush and pro-war in Iraq: the Bush administration has made no mistakes and never stretched a fact. Anyone who questions Bush is a traitor who is undermining our troops. Liberals hate America. And America is always right, especially when it selflessly brings the joys of freedom to the down-trodden serfs of the world. Hannity seems to have had absolutely no experience of any country or people beyond our borders. For him, America is a blessed, sunny islet in a dark sea of oppression and ignorance. It’s frightening because Hannity has such mental and verbal energy. What we’re hearing from him, I’m afraid, is the future of America. His view is persuasive because it’s so simple: The world has become too complex for people to take in. 

When I listen to Hannity, which I do a lot, I feel like I’m being swept back to the rigid, conformist 1950s of my youth… 

As a culture critic and intellectual, I am in despair about the immediate future of American thought. The window has closed, and we are in Sean Hannity’s America, where everything is so elementary and so crystal clear.“ 

Which brings me to Occupy Wall Street. 

Much of Mr. Hannity’s very identity is hinged on the belief that this country is exceptional. So I ask him, as I have previously asked Rick Santorum, what is it you believe makes America exceptional?

Certainly, you do not believe it is our Constitution. If you did, you would respect our Freedom of Assembly. Mr. Hannity has shrugged this off, instead smearing a protester on his radio show with the claim “you don’t believe in liberty, you don’t believe in freedom.”

Freedom, it seems, only matters to Mr. Hannity as it applies to him and those like him. Fox News has pushed our First Amendment to the brink, yet the cries from those who deem their practices amoral and destructive have barely broken into our mainstream discourse. 

Those demonstrating at Occupy Wall Street are utilizing their basic civil liberties. The right to peaceably assemble is a fundamental one. Without it, we are not the United States of America. 

I affirm Sean Hannity does not believe in America’s exceptionalism, he merely believes in the exceptionalism of Americans. Well, not all Americans… Just him and those like him. Therefore, those great gifts granted to us by the Constitution are really just for Mr. Hannity and his friends to play with. 

If Occupy Wall Street is an unpatriotic threat to freedom, we are not free at all. Sean Hannity and Roger Ailes cannot truly believe in American exceptionalism because they do not seem to understand why we warrant the designation. 

Originally published September 25th, 2011 at More Monmouth Musings.

As noted here, six of LD11’s seven legislative candidates have come out in support of gay marriage. They include Democratic Senate candidate Ray Santiago, Democratic Assembly candidates Vin Gopal and Kathy Horgan, and independent Assembly candidate Dan Jacobson. 

Also on the list are Republicans Senator Jennifer “Romney” Beck and Assemblywoman Mary Pat Angelini, both of whom pledged - Angelini after significant hesitation - on September 18th during an interview with Garden State Equality at Monmouth University, to override Governor Christie’s veto of a same sex marriage bill should the opportunity arise in the next legislature. 

Conveniently, Caroline Casagrande, Beck and Angelini’s running mate, could not attend the event at Monmouth because she was busy with a “family commitment.” I suspect her family committed to travel far, far away from anyone asking her about gay marriage, an issue she has refused to take a stance on.

One of the many jobs of a public figure is to know a thing or two about public relations.Everybody, public figure or otherwise, knows that “no comment” is, more or less, always a confirmation. Evidently, no one forwarded that memo to Caroline Casagrande who has adopted a strict policy of “Don’t Ask me about gay marriage and I won’t Tell You a bunch of evasive nonsense.” 

Her refusal - while inexcusable - is understandable, given that without question, there are a significant number of voters in newly formed LD11 who are not going to agree with, accept or respect a politician who opposes gay marriage. However, no one can respect a coward. A coward, as it stands now, is precisely what Caroline Casagrande is.

If you want to be a social conservative, go ahead and be one - your base will revere you for it, and your ideological enemies will have no choice but to respectfully disagree. 

Instead of taking a stand, Ms. Casagrande has skirted around the issue of gay marriage, going as far as to employ Senator Sweeney’s regrettable history as a cop-out. 

By asking the “tough” questions that anybody who knows anything about the fight for marriage equality already knows the answer to, she is doing the best she can to make this seem complicated. “What about protections for religious institutions?” she challenged, as if the Big Bad Gays are planning to storm into Sunday mass to force the congregation to Vogue in unison. 

Ms. Casagrande is attempting to slide under the radar. She is hoping that this massive insult to the intelligence of those that she hopes to represent goes unnoticed. In adopting dishonesty as her policy, she has succeeded in fooling no one, she has merely made a fool of herself. 

You could call her running mate, Senator Jennifer “Romney” Beck, many things (a lobbyist or a liar, for instance), but a cowardly ideologue she is not. Ms. Beck at least had the guts to flip-flop as soon as LGBT-supportive Asbury Park and Ocean Grove became her problem. Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer the audacious displays of dishonesty to the panicked whispers… I’m a romantic, what can I say? 

Beyond embarrassing herself with her stunning lack of bravery and admission (however fabricated) that she cannot comprehend a simple issue, Ms. Ummmmm? also managed to miss an opportunity to follow the wide path of Declare and Defend set by her Messiah, Governor Christie. Aw shucks, what a shame.

We elect people who we believe possess the skills necessary to handle the many issues that NJ faces at once. If Ms. Casagrande can only handle one issue at a time, perhaps it is time for us to reevaluate her competence to serve. I say this only because I care about her well-being. After all, it would be cruel to continue to overwhelm her with the many complex legislative responsibilities that rest on her shoulders in Trenton. 

By Olivia Nuzzi

Twitter is sort of like cutting into distinct streams of consciousness and floating within their translucent walls. There, various types of humans are presented without pretense.  For individuals with clearly red or blue leanings, this is an opportunity to observe the (respective) beast as it plays undisturbed.

What’s jarringly obvious on a medium such as this is that stupidity is nonpartisan. Perhaps the most stupid action - and most popular - is the direct verbal assault towards or between those in disagreement. 

Some divides cannot be bridged. No amount of intellectual understanding can so much as echo the emotional connection sparked when two people believe the same thing, nor can it justify what one perceives - at their very core - to be unjust. 

You think you’re going to be able to complete the intellectual and emotional transformation of a human being through vitriolic 140 Character lectures for Christssakes? Get real.

Energy spent attempting to win over or conquer an ideological enemy is energy wasted. 

Know your beast and let it be. 

By Olivia Nuzzi

Rick Perry is an intellectually unevolved bigot who should not be allowed within 100 feet of the White House. However, attacking his poor college grades is a Texas-sized mistake. 

Mr. Perry may not fall into the category, but the fact is that there exists a class of people who are immensely intelligent, yet fail to succeed in an academic environment. By mocking and reprimanding Bush 3.0’s lack of academic prowess, you are refuting that notion altogether. 

Unless you are willing to mock George Carlin, Gore Vidal and Lenny Bruce, you should probably put this topic to rest. There are roughly 90,000 other things you could throw rocks at Mr. Perry for, so take your pick.

Liberals should know better than to behave like Right Wing bullies… But hey, I guess they don’t teach everything in school. 

By Olivia Nuzzi